I had posted this for my friends on FB and decided that I would post it here too. I know it's kind of long, but I hope that it blesses you as it has me. Grab a cup of java and read on!
May 13, 2013
First off I have to start off by saying that in the last month and a half that I have half-heartedly been searching for a job. By half-heartedly I mean this… I have been applying to job after job with no praying and with everything in me, I have relied on nothing but my credentials to land myself a job. Yes, I have prayed, but not like I should. Not until last night. It’s rocking on 2 months, I have drained my savings and now I can see the bottom of the bank and it’s looking rather bleak and bare. I have to admit that I have taken advantage of the money that I have made and not been as faithful to the Lord as I should have been. My point is that even though I had prayed about getting a job, it was kind of half hearted and was more like “God, I need a job” type thing. Until last night…
The Lord has been working on my heart for the past few days and just showing me where I have been going wrong on this whole job hunt thing. I have relied on myself when I should have been relying on Him and seeking His path for me. I have doubted not only my ability, but even wondered if the Lord would even answer my prayers. I was starting to think that my praying was in vain and that I would never hear an answer from Him.
I do hope and pray that I am not jumping the gun here. Seriously… as I write this, I am wondering if I am even sabotaging what will happen tomorrow. In saying that, let me begin with what happened today…
As I said, last night I decided to really get serious about praying for a job. After all, my own power has yielded nothing but rejection. And I have all the “rejection” emails from every hospital in this town, as well as Foley, Century, and Milton. I know for a fact that the Lord will give me the “desires of my heart” if I delight myself in Him, as scripture tells me that in Psalm 37:4. That’s my problem. I haven’t been “delighting” myself in the Lord. I have been delighting myself within myself… Does that make sense???
Every morning I do the same thing… grab a cup of coffee, grab my phone and check my email for my Klove word of the day. I have been struggling with this whole job thing and wondering if nursing is even something that I should be doing. Just doubting my whole career at this point and wondering if the whole nursing thing was just a waste of time. I opened Klove’s email and this is what is said…
“And I am certain that God, who began the good work within you, will continue His work until it’s finally finished on the day when Christ Jesus returns.” Phillippians 1:6.
I took that as the Lord’s way of telling me that I should not doubt myself and my nursing abilities. After all, it was only because of HIM that I can even sign RN behind my name. I felt Him whispering to me to just “wait” and impressed upon my heart that I really needed to just get on my knees and do some REAL praying about this whole thing. Of course, there is always that “spirit v/s flesh” battle going on all the time within my soul, so again, I decided to take it into my own hands. Oh yes, I was certainly going to pray about it that night, but still, I would just go ahead and go back to Consulate the next morning to see about getting my old job back anyways. I mean, what would it hurt? If they said no, I would still be in the same place. Jobless. I had nothing to lose.
I have not had any luck in landing a hospital position, which is the “desire” of my heart. Med-surg to be exact. I prayed last night that even though I really want to work at a hospital on a med-surg floor, at this point, I just wanted the Lord to bless me with a job. I confessed that I had been going about it all wrong and that I just wanted to be on the path that He has for me. No matter what that path is and where it may take me.
I woke up this morning and did my usual. Grabbed a cup of coffee and headed to the porch and checked my email for my Klove word of the day. It said,
“And this same God who takes care of me will supply all your needs from His glorious riches, which have been given to us in Christ Jesus.” Phillippians 4:19.
I felt kind of good about going to Consulate, but at the same time I had a strange feeling that it was pointless. It was around 8:20 and I knew that I needed to get there before morning meeting at 9am, so I quickly got dressed, grabbed a cup of coffee to go and was out the door without a moment to spare, headed to Consulate to talk to the DON about getting my job back. Did I pray? Well, sort of. It was more like, “Okay God, I just hope this isn’t for nothing” type of thing as I was driving down the street, but not seriously on my knees seeking HIM.
Of course, I get there, the DONs been sick all last week, she wasn’t there and they were not sure that she was coming in today and they told me to call later and check to see if she was there before coming back as not to waste gas. (Notice it’s going up again, nice.) Just as I expected… a curve ball. A complete waste of time.
I had to go to Walgreens to drop off a Rx, and normally I would have just gone through the drive through, but John suggested that I take it inside because #1: It’s quicker #2: We are running low on money and I don’t need to waste the gas going back up there to pick it up. So… as much as I hated to go in there, I did. He told me to sit by the little rotating book shelf that was filled with Christian books, pick one and read it til they were done. So, I did just that.
I know this is long, but just be patient with me… we’re gettin’ there…
I sat down and looked over at the books and started turning the bookshelf around and I saw this red leather book that caught my eye. It was a journal (a very nice journal) and on the front was a scripture. It said, “For I know the plans I have for you, says the Lord…” Jeremiah 29:11. If you remember, that was the verse that I totally CLUNG to all throughout nursing school. It was on my binder for class, it would be jotted down on my notes, it was on my clipboard that I took the clinical, I would even have it written on a piece of paper and kept it in my pocket! There were so many times that I wanted to quit and I had that promise from God to keep me going. And HE saw me through that whole ordeal. It was the ONLY thing that kept me on that path. I instantly thought about the Klove word of the day from yesterday, saying that HE began that “good work” in me and was going to continue it. It sort of energized me.
I picked up several other books on the shelf and did a cursory scan of the pages, and then flipped them over one by one and chuckled to myself. I thought, “What idiot would pay this much for this book?” I have never bought a book from a place like that. I am too cheap! Lol! I find my books on Amazon or search the internet for a cheap deal on a book and buy them that way. I have never paid full price for any book that I have read. So, after scanning the books and laughing at the prices I pick up this book that it titled, “My Time In Heaven: A true story of dying… and coming back” By Richard Sigmund. What caught my attention was at the top of the book it said, “Richard Sigmund’s journey is so detailed that you feel like you are right there with him in heaven.” --Dr. Mary K. Baxter, Author, A Divine Revelation of Hell. I read that book in 2 days. Her book was so captivating to me and I could not put it down. That made me open this book and start reading. I was drawn in instantly and before I knew it, they were calling me to pick up my Rx. I couldn’t put the book down and I felt that I just had to have this book. I thought that it was ridiculous that it was $12.99, and it wasn’t feasible for me to buy it because I really didn’t have the money to, but I felt that I had to… I can’t explain it, but I just couldn’t put it back. So… guess what? I was that “idiot” that paid “that much” for a book. Lol! Funny how things work out eh?
I get my Rx and my “overpriced” book that I couldn’t put down and walk to my car. As I sit down and ask myself, “why in the world did I just buy that?” My phone rang. I didn’t recognize the number, but I answered it anyways. Guess who? Long story short, I have an interview tomorrow morning with West Florida Hospital. Guess what else??? Remember that “desires of my heart” thing? It’s a med-surg floor, full time, days… yup. Well…. PRAISE THE LORD!!!
I was totally floating on a cloud the whole way home!!! After I hung up the phone with the lady, the Lord spoke to my heart… He said, “First impressions are always the best. Look your best, and remember that there is a time to speak and a time to be quiet. You will have the words to say at the right time. You will draw from all of your experiences and knowledge, just trust me.”
I felt so much peace and I just feel that this one is different from the other interviews that I have had. Like I said in the beginning, I really hope that I am not jumping the gun here, but I just feel like God is going to grant this to me. All I can say is that I feel different about this one.
Don’t think that ol’ devil isn’t going to pull out his bag of tricks… he already did. But, I am going to have to save that until tomorrow… There is MORE to this story… but it is getting late (almost 11am) and I have to get up early to get ready for my interview… not to mention, I have some serious praying to do tonight before I go to bed. I will finish this up tomorrow. Until then, thank you all for the prayers and encouragement in this rough time that I have been going through in this last month and a half… God bless you!
May 14, 2013
Okay... so, the devil's bag of tricks. I came home and started reading this book that I purchased. This book has totally opened my eyes to just how indescribable God's glory really is. I recommend that you get it and read it. Anyways, there was so much that I gleaned from that book as I was reading. I went to pick up the kids from school with John and as we were waiting, the phone rings. It was in regards to another interview. Well, it wasn't an interview, it was more like "come in and fill out an application and talk to the mgr." type thing. It was at a plasma center... One of my many "desperate" attempts at landing a job. Guess what time they wanted to meet? Yup, 9am, the same time as the one at WFH. It was different though. I had a "dreadful" feeling about that one. I was immediately reminded of a part in the book that I had just read not long before that phone call...
"God is able to go forward and backward in time. He created time; He invented it. God sets up our tomorrows because of our prayers and our seeking Him today. God knows what is coming tomorrow. He orders our tomorrows, but He orders them because we pray today. As we pray, God gives us our tomorrows by a systems of weights and measures. In other words, we can know what is coming tomorrow because of the checks and balances in our spirits. The Holy Spirit speaks to our spirits and causes us to pray and to seek God. He also confirms His plans to us and gives us direction in life, telling us, "Yes," "No," or "Not yet." Invariably, when we are praying about tomorrow or what is going to happen down the line, it is because God has a blessing in store for us and the devil wants to steal it away or trip us up. When we pray earnestly, it releases God to go into our tomorrows and lay a trap for the devil and make sure that our blessings are there, right on time. This is something that I was told by the Lord when I was in heaven. I was also told that all of our tomorrows are God's yesterdays." (pg. 51-52, My Time in Heaven: A True Story of Dying and Coming Back, Richard Sigmund)
That inspired me to get down and dirty last night in prayer. This book has totally changed the way I pray and my whole thinking process of how and when God answers. I was enlightened on what God thinks of prayers and how precious they are to Him... Angels... there are record-keeping angels, war-faring angels that God Himself sends down to you just at the right time when you need them, there are wisdom-giving angels, all purpose angels, protection angels... they do exactly what the LORD wants them to do at the exact time HE wants them to do it. With that being said, it gave me a new prospective on my prayer life. It was time to do battle with the enemy. :-)
I get up this morning, same old routine... coffee, porch, (boy it sure was nice and cool this morning! What's up with the March weather in May here in Florida? No complaints though, I am totally loving it! Praise GOD!!!) Anyhoo... Klove was first on my list of things to do, I open it and it was just SO PERFECT!!! I mean... check this out...
"As soon as I pray, you answer me; You encourage me by giving me strength." Psalm 138:8
Okay... first thing I thought of was how the angels handle prayer and it's very urgent, very important... God takes our prayers extremely seriously. I also learned that the strength that we pray for is given to us directly from God Himself... through His glory, which flows from the throne of God! BTW, all the rivers and lakes in heaven flow directly from the throne of God with His glory, which gives us strength...
"... He leads me beside the still waters, He restores my soul..." Psalm 23:2 Oh, and the waters are always "still" in heaven. :-) I'm telling you... you have got to get this book and read it. It will forever change you!
So... I go on to get ready, praying through my entire morning... right down to what HE wanted me to wear. (Think I'm crazy? Makes no difference to me, I know I'm not crazy, I am just captivated by the magnificence of the Lord Jesus, Whom I serve.) I even asked HIM to slow time so that I would be ready, get there early with no traffic hindrance, and have time to pray again before I got out of the car. Done, done, and done. :-) God is so good.
Now for the interview... saw some symbolism waking through the door... Student nurses huddled up waiting on their instructor (poor babies... I wonder how close they were to being done with that whole awful nursing school experience?), the lady that greeted me as I walked into the nursing office, her name was Elizabeth... reminded me of my late mother in law... Last name was Benoit... wonder if it was any relation to that man that took my job at the jail? Hope not, she was nicer than he was... Then there was Valerie, the director, how fitting, lol! Loved the "Wandering Jew" that was above the cabinet that stretched across the whole room. Of course, there was the magnet with the pretty victorian house that said "Martha's Vineyard" that reminded me of my mama... That's just to name a few things...
Finally, my interviewer came and got me and I think that the interview went rather well... she told me that she was impressed with my honesty and really liked all my answers. The interview lasted almost an hour, which I know from previous experience, that's a good thing. :-) I felt pretty good when I walked out. Even though she said, "I sifted through over 30 applications for this one position, narrowed it down to 10 interviews and will be making my decision and contacting you next week" I still felt as if the Lord was smiling down on me.
So, until I have an answer, I am praying that the Lord impress on her to find favor on me and that she just keeps thinking about me and that everyone else pales in comparison. After all, I feel that this is from God... it was no accident that I "just happened" to go into Walgreens when I normally do the drive thru... it's no accident that there was no one there sitting by the books, it's no accident that John told me to just "grab one and read it till the rx is done," it's no accident that I picked up that book and was just so captivated by it that I spent money on it that I didn't have and read the whole book cover to cover in just under 24 hours. It's no accident because all things happen for a reason... Because, "We know that all things work together for the good of those who love God; Those who are called according to His purpose." Romans 8:28.
So... That's my story and I am stickin' to it. I hope that this, in some way, has inspired you to get closer to the Lord... if you don't know Him, get to know Him. He's right there and He is always ready to listen and forgive. There is so much more to this that what is here, but I think you get the picture of what I am trying to say. Has the Lord done something for you lately that you just can't contain? Tell the world about it... after all, that's the will for every Christian's life... no need to pray about that one. :-) God bless you and thanks for reading and praying! I will keep you posted!